今天早上做例行重訓時發現,我的蝴蝶袖好像收斂了一點點耶!!曾經我針對這個問題猛練,但一點進步也沒有. 反而越練越焦慮,越看越無力!! 最後乾脆放棄,就讓蝴蝶繼續飛舞吧! 大概半年前,我開始全身性的重訓,沒想到竟然削減了蝴蝶的實力,真是個意外收穫啊!
這讓我想到好些輔導過的個案. 當父母把焦點放在行為問題上,每天和孩子鬥智鬥勇,威脅利誘. 最後不但問題沒有解決,反而讓關係緊張,一觸即發. 我曾輔導過一個父親,為了孩子行為偏差的問題而辭去了工作,把所有的心力精神都放在改變孩子身上. 每天盯著孩子,耳提面命. 他認為這樣做是愛孩子的表現,殊不知這愛讓孩子無法呼吸. 所以狀況不但沒有好轉,反而每況愈下. 我建議爸爸先找份工作,轉移一些注意力,也調整一下自己的腳步. 幾個月之後,孩子的狀況慢慢好轉,家庭關係也不再劍拔怒張. 在教養孩子上,我們常被問題牽著跑, 或是陷在問題的牛角尖中, 彷彿只要有問題沒有解決,我們就是個失敗的父母. 但其實教養孩子是一個全面性的挑戰, 我們要看的不是一時而是長遠. 就像我的蝴蝶袖,當我專注在它上面的時候,這問題突然就被無限放大. 但當我轉移注意力, 用長遠的眼光做全面性的改變,反而出現了轉機. 教養的路上, 父母如果老盯著問題看, 只會讓自己更加焦慮和無助. 但當我們換個角度, 看著更大更遠的教養藍圖, 先經營好自己和親子關係,相信許多的問題也會有柳暗花明又一村的驚喜轉變喔!
Bingo Wings
When I was doing my routine weight training this morning, I noticed that my bingo wings seem to be tightened up a little bit. What a surprise!! I used to focus on this problem area and tried everything to improve it, but nothing happened. I didn’t expect after doing full body weight training for 6 months, this problem area had improved a bit as a result.
This makes me think about several of my coaching cases. When parents focus too much on the problem behavior and try everything to fix that particular problem, somehow things would get worse. Many broken parent-kid relationships are the end product. I once coached a father who quit his job to focus his energy and attention on his child. He thought doing this was a way to show his caring and love. He didn’t realize that his love become the main source of the pressure on his child and things got worse. I suggested the dad should find a job and refocus his life first. After a few months, this kid's behavior started improving gradually and the whole family found the peace they had been missing for a long time. We tend to react to problems when it comes to disciplining our children. It is almost like if we fail to fix a problem, we fail to be good parents. However, the truth is, what we need to look at is not a temporary solution but a long-term goal and plan. Just like my bingo wings. When I focused on them, the problem seemed to get worse. Once I shifted my attention and made comprehensive changes in a long-term way, things changed. When it comes to disciplining our children, we should stop REACTING to the problems, rather we need to RETRIEVE to the bigger parenting blueprint. Let’s first balance our own lives and work on the parent-child relationship and I really believe a surprise change can be waiting for you.
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